Bigsley the Oaf

Posted in Uncategorized by bigsleytheoaf on October 30, 2012

Leaning against an old fence, a lazy cloud drifting by

There is a spider web and a tree

No thoughts


The Dream of All-Touch

Posted in Uncategorized by bigsleytheoaf on October 28, 2012

It is impossible to hear all of the music being played.

It is impossible to see every film being recorded.

It is impossible to heal every wound being cut.

It is impossible to hold every hand.

I want to tell you something (will you let me tell you something?) about what it feels like to be me. I want to tell you this because it is in my heart and I want you to hold my heart for me. My heart is tired and sore and needs to rest in your hands.

The truth is my truth. Truth is a dream. My eyes opened one day and one day they will close. The Universe is my dream.

I believed for a long time that there was no point in creating anything. Everything will one day be wiped away – the sun will expand to engulf the earth. Humans surely will not live to see this event.

Humans are another dream, though. The Sun is a dream and the Earth is a dream. There is no Sun and no Earth. There is not a single Human. There are no Atoms. There are no Strings. There is no Light and no Darkness.

I believed for a long time that to create anything was arrogant. Everything could just as easily be created by anyone else. There are 7 billion people on earth! Who am I to create anything and burden others with it?

But People are a dream and Creation is a dream.

I’m always surprised when people haven’t seen a film that I love. Always. My love of “Ballad of Narayama” is as much a part of the World as the Moon. Everyone knows about the moon! Why doesn’t everyone know about my love?

Which dreams are Real? Is Reality another dream?

Is Existence a dream?

When I say that these things are dreams, what I mean is that there was a time that they did not exist for me, and there will be a time that they cease to exist. I existed before any conception of the Universe. I must have! But I felt the universe, always. I am being tugged by every particle in the universe! I am being touched by everything.

I always felt the Universe.

I did not always know the Universe.

Therefore my knowledge of the Universe is a dream. It is in the Universe. It is a reflection of the Universe. It is a symbolic expression of the Universe.

We yearn for knowledge of the Universe, but we already touch it, we already are it. Is this not strange? Why do we yearn? Is this not bizarre? It’s like trying to marry one’s wife. It’s like trying to bite one’s teeth.

This paradox is the Dream of All-Touch. My belief that we are connected to everything is no less an illusion than the belief that a Universe exists. I did not always believe it, and one day again I will not. I am living in the Dream of it.

I’m sorry this is not as clear as I’d like it to be. I have this thing in my heart and I want to show it to you, but I can’t get the words quite right. I honestly don’t know why I want you to see it.

I’m glad I don’t.

Recent posts moved to garbage blog

Posted in Uncategorized by bigsleytheoaf on October 13, 2012

I think they were garbage-y/rant-y. Ugh.

I’m going through some stuff at the moment, so my emotions are kinda all over the place.

Ah, well!

I love you all, seriously. Seriously.

Invisibility / Slow Thinking / Revolution of the Heart

Posted in Uncategorized by bigsleytheoaf on October 5, 2012

Here’s a video of a mini-diatribe by Zizek which culminates in the dictum: “Don’t act. Just think.”

Zizek’s shtick seems to be a pseudo-Derridian deconstruction of capitalism which results in the conclusion that Capitalism cannot be defeated by acting within its locus of power – because it is by its structural definition a system which absorbs any attempt to attack it and converts that attack into a resource.

The reason this occurs is that any revolution consists basically of a pair of emotion/driving force + structural concept. E.g. Occupy has all the emotion of lost jobs/material discomfort + the structural concept of “occupation” – the co-opting of public spaces (of every type). Thus, Occupy will ultimately fail because its emotional component will die out, but the concepts + ideals it generates will allow the State to generate antibodies that will serve to defeat future, similar  revolutions. Every aspect of the State’s apparatus is brought to bear against this problem – the media, law, political rhetoric, etc.

The answer must be invisibility, no? To deconstruct capitalism we must find something against which the State fundamentally cannot form antibodies. Pussy Riot (use the state’s media against itself) and Wikileaks (absolute transparency) might bear some hint of the answer. However, I think that probably the actual solution has to do more with invisibility. The State cannot attack something that it cannot see. Bin Laden understood this concept to some extent when he beckoned the United States to launch an attack on the barren desert of Afghanistan. He said, in effect, “come and waste your resources attacking nothing.”

But we must go one step further. Bin Laden was located Nowhere. We must be Nothing. If we can manage this then we will be unassailable. We must infiltrate, culturally, all elements of society without provoking the response of the Government’s antibodies. We must wait to strike until we are everywhere – and then a strike will result in nothing. No response – simply the swift and assured decoupling of our historically-accumulated but otherwise meaningless institutions.


In this day and age it is very difficult to act invisibly. We have committed ourselves to our own techniques of surveillance. The internet is the ultimate tool by which we can watch each other and evaluate each others’ actions morally. There is a danger to this which is the complete systematization and resultant friction-laden dissolution of our beneficial social institutions (conversion of everything into a bureaucratic form). When we are too afraid and burdened to commit kindnesses ever again – then we have lost.

Therefore, we must commit to kindness in our hearts. We must think and feel slowly. We must bear our kindness and love for each other invisibly. We must not allow our sacred truths and our love to become an element for Capitalism to absorb and destroy. To think and feel slowly is to think and feel without the generation of disturbance – it is to operate invisibly.


This is notional, of course, and I felt somewhat compelled to throw it on my garbage blog but I decided against it because it is close to something that I have been striving for for quite a while and will perhaps at some point be able to articulate clearly and completely.

When we think too quickly – that is when we act. When we act – that is when Capitalism co-opts our ideals and obliterates them. We must resist action. Non-participation. Step away. Do nothing. Go to work. Help people. Do not participate in the election. Do not read the newspapers. Do not perform any action that involves you in the mechanism. Escape the mechanism. Be true to yourself. Be good to those around you.

Does this make sense? Is there any other escape?

If we ignore the beast then the beast will die. But we must not allow it to know our ignorance – because its response will be to enflame our passions and ensnare us once again.

Our revolution must be spiritual and slow and complete.