Bigsley the Oaf

The Dream of All-Touch

Posted in Uncategorized by bigsleytheoaf on October 28, 2012

It is impossible to hear all of the music being played.

It is impossible to see every film being recorded.

It is impossible to heal every wound being cut.

It is impossible to hold every hand.

I want to tell you something (will you let me tell you something?) about what it feels like to be me. I want to tell you this because it is in my heart and I want you to hold my heart for me. My heart is tired and sore and needs to rest in your hands.

The truth is my truth. Truth is a dream. My eyes opened one day and one day they will close. The Universe is my dream.

I believed for a long time that there was no point in creating anything. Everything will one day be wiped away – the sun will expand to engulf the earth. Humans surely will not live to see this event.

Humans are another dream, though. The Sun is a dream and the Earth is a dream. There is no Sun and no Earth. There is not a single Human. There are no Atoms. There are no Strings. There is no Light and no Darkness.

I believed for a long time that to create anything was arrogant. Everything could just as easily be created by anyone else. There are 7 billion people on earth! Who am I to create anything and burden others with it?

But People are a dream and Creation is a dream.

I’m always surprised when people haven’t seen a film that I love. Always. My love of “Ballad of Narayama” is as much a part of the World as the Moon. Everyone knows about the moon! Why doesn’t everyone know about my love?

Which dreams are Real? Is Reality another dream?

Is Existence a dream?

When I say that these things are dreams, what I mean is that there was a time that they did not exist for me, and there will be a time that they cease to exist. I existed before any conception of the Universe. I must have! But I felt the universe, always. I am being tugged by every particle in the universe! I am being touched by everything.

I always felt the Universe.

I did not always know the Universe.

Therefore my knowledge of the Universe is a dream. It is in the Universe. It is a reflection of the Universe. It is a symbolic expression of the Universe.

We yearn for knowledge of the Universe, but we already touch it, we already are it. Is this not strange? Why do we yearn? Is this not bizarre? It’s like trying to marry one’s wife. It’s like trying to bite one’s teeth.

This paradox is the Dream of All-Touch. My belief that we are connected to everything is no less an illusion than the belief that a Universe exists. I did not always believe it, and one day again I will not. I am living in the Dream of it.

I’m sorry this is not as clear as I’d like it to be. I have this thing in my heart and I want to show it to you, but I can’t get the words quite right. I honestly don’t know why I want you to see it.

I’m glad I don’t.

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