Bigsley the Oaf

You Don’t Get It

Posted in Uncategorized by bigsleytheoaf on October 23, 2011

You don’t get that you don’t believe your beliefs. You are devoted to them.

What do you think about Wall Street? About pedophilia? Murder? Torture? Genocide? Selfishness? Hatred? Rape? Do these things make you sick?

Tomatoes used to make me sick.

You don’t get that your beliefs are nothing but historical accumulation. Even if you believe these words, you don’t believe them deeply.

Your ethics, your metaphysics, your epistemology, your aesthetics – all inherited. Seriously – in what moment of infinite hubris could you ever think that anything you believe could possibly have been conceived by you?

You don’t believe this deeply because – how could you? You’re defending it all, right now.

See, you don’t believe things passively. You fight for your beliefs. Any time a conflicting belief presents itself, you start inarticulately flailing.

How could murder not be wrong?

How could rape not be wrong?

Are you even going to consider it? Are you going to actually open up and accept that all things that happen happen? They actually happen. They really happen. They’re not evil or wrong, they just happen. Murder happens. Death happens. Rape happens. It just happens.

No, seriously, it just happens. It just happens. It doesn’t happen because something is Fucked. It doesn’t happen because the universe is somehow wrong or broken, or society is broken, or anything is broken. It. Just. Fucking. Happens.

Mankind loves to carry its trauma. Let it go.

I am inarticulate. I am not getting across what I want to. I don’t give a fuck!

Look! You can’t keep pretending that it makes sense that you believe what you believe. At least give me that. You just believe it. It just so happens that you believe it. It’s not wrong or right, it’s just the case. But it’s stuck and it’s boring, so stop it!

I’m stuck on this anarchist shit. I used to be libertarian. Like, what would happen if we just removed all economic restrictions? If we stopped all government programs? Would it really be that bad? Now I’m thinking more along the lines of: could we stop punishing murder, governmentally? Has humanity progressed enough?

And if not, why the fuck not!?! Who wants to murder? Are we so brutish?

Let’s get there!

This is my point! We should seek to legalize murder!

Why do we consider it a big win to erase? Murder exists! We can punish it. We can lock up murders. But we have not destroyed murder.

If we destroyed murder then we could legalize it. N’est pas? So why aren’t we trying to annihilate murder?

It’s boring. We sit around humming to ourselves until something annoys us. Then we squish it, or put it in a cage, instead of destroying the root, instead of accepting it, instead of I don’t know what!

It’s just so boring! How can you possibly hate murder or murderers?

Sometimes I think that society is progressing towards tolerance of murder. It’s a weird thought, but if you look at our media, there’s a lot of murder porn going on. Our video games are all designed around murder. You shoot people in the head in our video games – and they die.

Does anyone really think murder is so bad, anymore?

But what we hate is when a group murders. Genocide – now that’s sick! But killing one guy – whatever! I did that last night – virtually yes.

When the fuck are the genocide videogames going to come out?

Rant!!! ran!!!t! rant!!!! rant!


Posted in Uncategorized by bigsleytheoaf on October 23, 2011

Once, the soil hated the stars. It seemed logical at the time. They swam free through the ether, dancing with nebulae and black matter. Their burn was far and bright and eternal. The soil was still and cold, wet. Worms chewed through it. A woman lay in it. “This is ridiculous,” she thought. And the heavens hated her for it. They thought that she was spoiled – what a fish flipping in mud! A whole life in such a small place, wound up like a ball of fire. And the soil could bear her weight and spread out. It could cake between her toes and smear on her face. It could pass through her pores and into her darkness. The woman sighed and coughed. She exhaled her tongue out into the dust of the earth and closed her eyes and wept. Her tears collected and rose and became a puddle, a pond, then an ocean. And the ocean grew and hated the moon. It was young and wild and did not understand: the moon! The moon was old. It swung around and around and around and pulled the ocean. The ocean groaned and folded and strained and was tired. It was not in control. And as it grew old with the moon it smoothed out its chair. It breathed into earth’s heavens and let insects crawl through its heart. The woman grew old, too, and she too let insects crawl through her heart. And one day she noticed that the stars hated the soil. They cried forever, but no one was there to listen – only other stars, but they too cried. When the soil cried, men cared. They warmed it with their sun god, which they feared. And so the story continued for some time.

There was one worm in particular who chewed through the earth. He knew nothing of the stars or the woman, he knew nothing of men. He simply transformed dirt into slightly different dirt. This worm was particular because he hated himself. He hated and hated and grew and grew until one day he was so long that he wound all the way around the world. But still his hate burned and still his body grew until it wrapped round and round the earth and one day he found his tail which, of course, he bit. And the earth was choked and turned into coal.

And all the tears of the heavens poured down upon the blackened earth. But the earth was sad and scared and turned away and into itself. For millennia the scorn of the stars piled onto its shoulders and it shrunk and shrunk until one day it was a bright diamond. The stars’ rays burned through its crystal heart and were sent back out and into the dark. And so the universe grew to see itself.

And it blinked.

Meditation on Female Sexual Energy

Posted in Uncategorized by bigsleytheoaf on October 10, 2011

Why are men so obsessed with women –
Women as substance, which is to say – the substance of woman –
And women are obsessed with men as structural element – the inter-relation of men with reality?

I was just watching this video:

The woman in that video is so strikingly attractive. But she’s not attractive in any way that any other woman has been, for me. It’s wholly new. The stunning thing about the substance of women, from my perspective, is the novelty. Anything else varies less. I eat a tomato here or a tomato in italy – it’s going to be mostly similar. I meet a man here or a man in Japan – they’re going to be basically the same. But women are crazy! They’re so different, everywhere. Every new beauty feels like entering a whole new world of beauty.

Perhaps the character of femininity is then the modulation of the essential explosion of diversity intrinsic to the human species. Perhaps men who womanize too much literally get their minds blown and become kinda zombie-zomb. Perhaps men are the selectors of the “right” diversity. Maybe every woman is a world, and men are spaceships. Marriage or relationship or fuck or whatever is to land.

But, so, the real crux of the question of femininity, then – that is, assuming this ridiculous, untenable framework – is how the hell does it expand so beautifully? Or rather, where does the diversity of female beauty come from? Does it all exist, and we’re seeing just articulation/combination thereof? Or is new female sexuality created?

How is the species mutating, huh? HUH!?!