Bigsley the Oaf

Intense Navel Gaze

Posted in Uncategorized by bigsleytheoaf on August 29, 2013

I was talking to my friend Nagle about why I talk so damn much and he actually had a pretty good model to describe it, which I’m going to paraphrase here.

Every time we have a pressing question which society doesn’t have a ready-made answer for, it feels like we’re internally pressurized. E.g. I might have a question like “why is such a small percentage of the population freaking out about global warming?” There’s no really obvious and clear way to answer this question, so I have to find the answer somehow. Having a question like this makes my head feel like it’s ready to blow.

So it seems like a big part of the reason I’m in some state of perpetual existential crisis/weirdness is that I have so many pressing, difficult questions about reality and people floating around in my head. I’m not saying that other people aren’t interested in reality – it just seems like thought-reality itself seems to carry more emotional significance for me in short-term, directly-observable ways, than it does for other people.

Sometimes I can get upset for days about a question like “why is there anything, at all?” But then I ask someone else this question and they couldn’t give a shit.

I think that part of the reason that my thoughts are so emotionally vivid for me is some sort of mild pseudo-synesthesia. My linguistic thoughts cause perpetual and vivid avalanches of visual and audial phenomena – when I think about global warming I see visions of cities burning, hear screaming voices, etc. This means that thoughts I have necessarily carry a lot of weight.

Fuck, this sounds really arrogant. See! Even the question of “is this the right type of post to write? will people be offended by this?” carries huge weight for me. This is the stuff that analysis paralysis is made of. It’s a wonder I’m functional at all.

Cuz you know, at the end of the day, fuck it.


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