Bigsley the Oaf

Getting Laid is Hard

Posted in Uncategorized by bigsleytheoaf on February 4, 2013

Fuck you. Fuck me.

It’s basically impossible to have sex, nowadays. Do you know anyone who has had sex in the past year when they were not:

1. Drunk

2. In a relationship



I know exactly zero people who score sober, while not in a relationship.

The issue is that modern society gives us no common language for discussing/negotiating sex. I suppose I’m talking about all of this in the context of SF, so you’ll have to forgive me if you live somewhere with functional gender/sexual relationships.

I mean, really. Really! What am I supposed to say? I don’t want to fucking romance a woman. Fuck that! You know why fuck that? Cuz I don’t want to be in a fucking relationship. I don’t want a woman to become attached to me, and I don’t want to become attached to a woman. Maybe it’s the borderline-aspy-weirdo-whatever in me, but I’d really like to have a conversation like this:

“You are attractive, I want to have sex with you.”

“I find you attractive as well, I want to have sex with you.”

Why can’t this happen? Why do we have to dance around the subject like fucking pre-teens? I’m 27. When do I get to ask directly for snuggle-time?

And what about the fact that I am aspy? That I can’t pick up on subtle signals? That I basically never know when someone is interested in me? I’m slowly slowly learning the signals, but they’re bullshit and you’re bullshit and )@)%(*@)#(%*@%()

Really I’m just pissed because no one has touched me, physically, in months.

Go fuck yourself. I know I will.

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