Bigsley the Oaf

Atheist

Posted in Uncategorized by bigsleytheoaf on August 12, 2012

Context:

The gum surrounding my lower right molars is inflamed. I have a growth on the bottom of my right foot which causes me a great deal of pain when I walk. I have skin tags running up and down my sides. Chronic cough. Nasal congestion. Hypochondriac manifesting destiny in polyglot &&& kung fu kung fu kung fuck you!

These days, walking down street, memories of real errors past rise sharply out of Void and, felt viscerally, cause ejaculation of underbreath epithet. I must seem like a lunatic.

—–

Statement:

You’re an atheist? As in, you don’t believe in god? You think you get to choose what you believe in?

I am overwhelmed by the hubris of my fellow humans, lately. I cannot perceive any entity-born phenomenon without immediate realization of its dual and the resultant unbalanced nature of its fact. This includes phenomena associated with the various levels and forms corresponding to “I.” The fact that I must act in any way at all betrays my manifold alternative potentials, betrays the possibility of non-action, betrays the possibility of more abstract speculative options.

You choose what you believe in? Since when? This must be a modern invention. If you once believed in God then you still do and if you didn’t, then you still don’t. I cannot conceive of a transition on this point. As if belief in God were not foundational – as if such a belief might hinge contingent on another fact as if there could be a fact more fundamental than God/No-God based upon which you might form your belief.

As if there is even such a thing as “belief in God,” attained. As if the religious mindset weren’t a striving towards an impossible belief. As if Faith weren’t an act of pushing towards an ideal. As if belief in any ideal were not isomorphic to belief in a corresponding God.

We flatter ourselves that we are not Animals. We flatter ourselves that we have not Spirits. We flatter ourselves that we are not Primitives. Do we not have instincts, essences, rituals? What are we, then?

What are you, Atheist?

“Some types of neurons have no axon and transmit signals from their dendrites.” – from Axon / Wikipedia

What are you, then, Atheist?

—–

Circle:

Atheist, what am I? Am I not a God?

I’d like to be helpful without hurting, critical without the burn. I’d like to be able to show, gently. Why can’t I do this? Perhaps it’s false, false. Perhaps this is what must be rejected – the Will to help. It is arrogant and wrong. I need not be a God.

I want to be a human, a spirit, a primitive, an animal, a rock, the sun, the wind, the moon.

One day.

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