Bigsley the Oaf

sum murmur summary sudden sadly sagging

Posted in Uncategorized by bigsleytheoaf on December 30, 2010

I feel a murmur in my heart, literally. I feel obsessed and strung-out and strange. I keep trying to contact people but no one responds. I feel like maybe I’ve drifted way away from what people think of as acceptable social interaction methodologies. I don’t even know if I’m honest, anymore. Ah, well.

I haven’t written anything in a while. I have had so many ideas, but somehow I don’t care enough to write them down. I wrote a few things when I was drunk, then that thing about FISH (wtf?), but that’s been just about it.

I’m worried about the heart. It murmurs and then I can’t breathe and then my head hurts. I hope there’s nothing wrong with my heart. Did you know I’m a hypochondriac? Probably good to get this figured out before going back to Moscow.

It feels like I’ve really started to plumb the depths of nihilism. Today I read a Wikipedia article on “anti-humanism” and I really felt distant. Am I really an anti-humanist? Most of the people listed in that article as anti-humanists (Nietzsche, Heidegger, Foucault, Derrida, etc.) are pretty near and dear to me, intellectually speaking. But do I really think of “man” as “lesser?” Probably this is the reason that I don’t get along with people so well. Or perhaps the converse is true. Why is it so hard to figure out converses and converse converses these days? Why is everything overbearing and difficult?

Even the cat is tired.


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