Bigsley the Oaf

The Process

Posted in Uncategorized by bigsleytheoaf on October 27, 2010

I believe that a great number of my interests took root in hatred and its corresponding desires. I wanted to be better than other people (intellectually, spiritually). I wanted to destroy what they believed in (religiously, politically, practically). I wanted to set myself apart.

But now that I have, these feelings are useless. They can’t compel me to study math, play go, program computers, rock climb, play guitar, etc. etc. So much of my personality has been bound up in the desire to become better at these things. How often do I just play go or play guitar rather than thinking about how to do these things? How often do I let the content just come flowing out.

Anyway, I wonder if it’s time to drop the hatred. Perhaps I will be weaker, but I will not be bankrupt. The process of separation which had its foundation in hatred has given me perspective, has given me my own space in which to create a world.

This is how I feel at the moment; I am hopeful.

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