Bigsley the Oaf

lazy/empty/Boston

Posted in Uncategorized by bigsleytheoaf on March 7, 2010

I don’t really have interest in much of anything, at the moment. I guess I’m interested in rock climbing, but that’s really about it – and I can’t even do that much since it requires a lot of recovery time.

I wish there was something easy and fulfilling that I could do. The truth is that most easy things just leave me quite bored. Most hard things are too hard – so I fail at them and they leave me bored, too. Bored bored bore.

—–

The overwhelming feeling I have, recently, is that there’s some deep way in which I’ve “figured everything out” and that all there is left to do now is push hard. And I don’t even get anything for pushing hard.

For example, I know how to get better at go – I know exactly which steps to take to make myself quite good at it. But why would I? Why should I care?

It’s as if the universe is just a string of numbers – 1,2, 3, … – and all that’s left for me is to count. But I’m pretty tired of counting.

—–

I’m going to Boston, soon. I really don’t want to see many people – only my closest friends. I don’t know why it’s so hard for some people to take a hint.

—–

I wonder what the “problems” in my life are. I wonder if there’s something I could solve to make it feel better. I wonder why I feel so hollow.

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