Bigsley the Oaf

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Posted in Uncategorized by bigsleytheoaf on March 6, 2010

Jen is gone for the weekend. This is the first time that I’ve had a substantial amount of time to myself since she went to England last August. This means that it’s been about 6 months since I’ve had any semblance of real solitude.

Whenever I am alone like this my body kind of shuts down or reverts. It’s very strange. I tend to masturbate obsessively, play go, and eat very little. It makes a degree of sense – while around other people I am generally deprived of the satisfaction of my sexual and violent desires and my eating rituals are compelled more by convention than hunger.

I wonder if my body wants me to fast. Can a body want such a thing? Can bodies ‘want?’ I wonder what it would be like to sleep through the weekend, eat nothing, and just think. Is this an acceptable thing to do?

It’s like the first time I meditate after a long hiatus – generally this is a very painful thing. The front of my brain really hurts, my eyes strain – I guess I have to pay the piper, as they say.

I’m kind of just prattling on, so I guess I’ll stop here.

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