Bigsley the Oaf


Posted in Uncategorized by bigsleytheoaf on March 3, 2010

It occurred to me, today, that other people are my only impetus.

There must be at least a shadow of Other in my strained periphery –
a person to whom I can show my work –
someone who Cares.

I think this is why I have always surrounded myself with people who appreciate me to some degree. I can’t feel like I’m operating at maximum effectiveness without the knowledge that some appraising eye will be directed toward my works.

I think this is why I’ve always liked games. One’s opponent is the ultimate Other – one who cares in the logical extreme about the outcome of the game, about my play. Every move I make is inspected, appraised – everything I do has real effect – it is reflected and buried deep in the subconscious mind of my foe.

What other impetus could there be? What would it mean to do something for the self? Does anyone ever do this, ever?

I suppose that the argument could be made that recluses like Henry Darger and Emily Dickenson were working only for themselves, but perhaps they each had a glimmer of an other, the memory of an other. Perhaps Emily thought that One Bright Day someone somewhere would see her little words and love her.


One Response

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  1. Jessica R said, on March 3, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    some of us have the impetus to do well so we can like/appreciate ourselves. if you have reasonably good self esteem maybe you can skip it and perform for others

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